They Say I Did Something Bad

You could say the last two weeks have been an emotional roller coaster for fans of Arizona basketball, and that would be quite an understatement. Friday before last I hosted a movie night for some friends as a much needed break heading into a tough week of midterms. As I settled down on the couch and the movie started, I decided to check the scores of various games happening that night around the country. To my dismay, the very first headline I read stated that Sean Miller, the head coach at U of A, had been caught on an FBI wiretap arranging a payment of $100,000 for one of our star players to attend Arizona. Yikes. Welp, that was the end of Arizona basketball as we knew it! I didn’t watch the rest of my movie as I diligently sat by my phone to read an endless flow of articles that came pouring in. It was a dark night in Tucson, to say the least. In particular, I felt a little betrayed by the whole thing. I had been watching coach Miller for months during games and press conferences, and I even reveled in the opportunity to go to a little Zona Zoo pizza party where I got to see him up close. He reminded me of the many great coaches and mentors I’ve had in my own life, and I saw him as an example of integrity, hard work, and success. I know well as anyone that someone can live a double life and be a completely different person behind closed doors, but this news just didn’t seem to add up with who I understand Coach Miller to be as a person.

The next day was strange. I felt a pit in my stomach all day. My friend Chris stated it well when he said “this feels like a bad breakup.” I waited all day to finally hear the news that Coach Miller had been fired and our star player suspended, virtually ending any hopes we had of making a run in the NCAA tournament in my senior year. He and the school together released a statement that he would not coach in that night’s game at Oregon, but that he was confident he would be “vindicated.” That seemed like a stretch, I mean ESPN, the biggest sports network there is, had reported that the FBI had him on wiretap. That seemed pretty damning to me. ESPN wasn’t just going to just throw something out there without knowing for sure that it had happened, right? No, of course not. Then later that night, an ESPN broadcaster inadvertently announced during the ASU game that coach miller had been fired, which they later corrected. That seemed pretty sloppy on ESPN’s part, but still, there was probably no hope that they had completely screwed this up. Then, on Monday, ESPN issued a change in the timeline to their story, and then another one that same day. Originally they said that the conversation happened in 2017, which didn’t make much sense since the player had officially signed in 2016. They then changed it to 2016, which also didn’t make sense because the FBI wasn’t wiretapping the phone calls back then. I had to ask myself, ”what is going on?” The next day another news source reported they had a source that believed Sean Miller would be exonerated by the tapes if they were released. Twinges of hope were beginning to be felt here in Tucson. It was becoming clear that no one had any real facts in this story, and that none of this was coming from the mouths of the FBI or the NCAA directly.

When Thursday rolled around, Sean Miller held a press conference where he emphatically denied everything and announced that he would be coaching that night against Stanford. I literally jumped up and ran around the LDS institute where I was watching the press conference. Later in the day, the president of the university and the Arizona Board of Regents expressed their support for the coach as well. Here is an excerpt from what President Robbins had to say:

“Earlier this week, we met with Coach Miller at length and asked him direct and pointed questions. He was eager to speak with us and answered every question we asked. At this time we have no reason to believe that Coach Miller violated NCAA rules or any laws regarding the allegation reported in the media. Additionally, he has a record of compliance with NCAA rules, and he has been cooperative with this process.

While some might be tempted to rush to judgment when there is intense public pressure, due process is the bedrock of fair treatment and acting with integrity. With that in mind, we will continue to pursue every avenue of inquiry available to us during an active federal investigation to fully understand the facts. We recognize that investigation is ongoing, and we will continue to be respectful and cooperative through its conclusion. Steptoe & Johnson continues its investigation into our athletics compliance, and we will carefully review and act on its conclusions. We anticipate this report will be thorough and based on facts.

We want to thank our student athletes for the strength they have exhibited during this challenging situation. We are confident that they will continue to respond with commitment, integrity and excellence. Deandre Ayton, who has been subjected to false, public reports that impugned his reputation, has our full support. We ask that the Wildcat Family rally behind these young men and our coaching staff tonight and throughout the rest of our season.”

That was pretty amazing to hear. I believe a number of universities would have fired him as soon as possible, whether it was true or not. Reading this statement from President Robbins made me very proud to be a Wildcat. To top it off, Thursday night in McKale Center, which was my last home game as a student, was spectacular. Sean Miller walked out about twenty minutes before halftime, and all 14,000 people in the arena gave him a standing ovation that won’t soon be forgotten. It was so cool to be a part of something like that, and it told me that Arizona basketball is special. No matter what happens over the next few months or years, this program isn’t going anywhere.

As Thursday’s events still simmered in my mind, I headed over to the institute on Friday morning for our weekly devotional. We watched my favorite talk, “Trial of Your Faith” by Elder Neil L. Anderson, Which I thought was fitting. Here’s an excerpt from it:

“Here is another trial. There have always been a few who want to discredit the Church and to destroy faith. Today they use the Internet.

Some of the information about the Church, no matter how convincing, is just not true. In 1985, I remember a colleague walking into my business office in Florida. He had a Time magazine article entitled “Challenging Mormonism’s Roots.” It spoke of a recently discovered letter, supposedly written by Martin Harris, that conflicted with Joseph Smith’s account of finding the Book of Mormon plates.¹⁹

My colleague asked if this new information would destroy the Mormon Church. The article quoted a man who said he was leaving the Church over the document. Later, others reportedly left the Church.²⁰ I’m sure it was a trial of their faith.

A few months later, experts discovered (and the forger confessed) that the letter was a complete fraud. I remember really hoping that those who had left the Church because of this deception would find their way back.

A few question their faith when they find a statement made by a Church leader decades ago that seems incongruent with our doctrine. There is an important principle that governs the doctrine of the Church. The doctrine is taught by all 15 members of the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve. It is not hidden in an obscure paragraph of one talk. True principles are taught frequently and by many. Our doctrine is not difficult to find.”

Can we see, from this example and that of Sean Miller, how damaging and misleading the media can be? Here is what I jotted down in my journal during the talk:

“When you’ve made a commitment, you don’t let things sway that. Wait for real facts to make a decision.”

In Arizona’s case, they have a contract with Sean Miller and he is their head basketball coach. If they want to act with integrity, they can’t just terminate that agreement because someone said that someone told them that they heard some tapes of him. They have to wait for real facts, otherwise they are allowing themselves to be controlled by outside sources. They would be empowering more media in the future to report whatever they want because they know it would have the power to completely destroy people and organizations, whether their information is good or not.

In the question of Faith (and I hope that even those who aren’t Mormon can draw parallels from this into their own lives and belief systems), we have made a covenant with Heavenly Father that we would serve Him and His Church. That’s not a commitment we can just break because we read something unflattering. We have the obligation to do thorough research and look for facts. Real facts. People can be unbelievably and shamelessly deceptive, and that should motivate us to get our own answers.

To be completely fair and honest, there ARE things in church history that you aren’t going to be taught at church on Sunday and they will probably make you uncomfortable. Actually, if they didn’t make you uncomfortable I’d probably be a little uncomfortable with you. Just sayin’. I believe, however, that even those uncomfortable things, when viewed in the light of unbiased truth, can serve to strengthen one’s testimony that God can accomplish his work even through very imperfect people.

What makes things especially hard is that sometimes fact and fiction are almost impossible to differentiate with the current information available. Sometimes misinformation is presented as absolute fact (i.e. FBI wiretap, forged letter from Martin Harris). Usually, the bad info is mixed with good info. For example, there most likely is a wire tap of Sean Miller, it just most likely says something different than what was initially reported. Likewise, there are real letters written by Martin Harris, but the forger mixed them in with his fake ones. It would be understandable to be deceived or confused by this. When we are faced with situations like this, that is when we must cherish our past experiences, have faith in what the spirit has already taught us, and wait for more information.

At the end of the day, God’s plan is very simple. It’s so simple that in many cases people don’t think it can possibly be enough. Akin to those in Moses’ day who perished because they would not look upon the serpent that Moses raised in the wilderness. They would not look because of the “easiness of the way.” They were looking for something sophisticated and complex, not something as simple as looking at a snake on a stick. Ladies and gentleman, the gospel is simple. Faith in Jesus Christ, Repenting of our sins, Being baptized by proper authority and partaking of other ordinances, and Receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost will lead us to Eternal Life. We have wonderful tools to help us endure to the end, such as prayer, scriptures, temples, family home evening, church callings, and much more. Let us take full advantage of what we have in front of us, and not be swayed by the distracting reports of others or by the simplicity of the way. May God bless you on your journey to find truth. I know he continues to bless me on mine.

Oh, and don’t forget to Bear Down 😉

New Year, New Neighbor

I've been asked a lot over the last few years why I've chosen to pursue optometry as a career. While there are multiple reasons to explain why I've decided on that specific discipline, I think that sharing why I decided to pursue a career in healthcare in the first place might be worthwhile.

My freshman year I was a geology major. In particular, I wanted to be a paleontologist, an idea for which I probably drew inspiration for from Jurassic Park and Ross Geller from Friends. I couldn't think of anything better than going out on digs, making great discoveries, and then writing about and publishing my findings. I still daydream about that some days. At the same time, however, I was also preparing to serve a mission for the LDS Church. A few months after my freshman year, I left to serve in Puebla, Mexico. Frequently I would be asked what I wanted to study when I got home, and for the first year and a half I would tell them I wanted to be a paleontologist (it probably took me that long to learn how to pronounce it in Spanish anyways). As I continued to serve the people around me though, something was happening inside of me. I found that as I put others needs in front of mine I focused less on my own pain and hardships. I was so much happier than when I simply tried to do things for my own sake. It was then that I started to theorize that I needed to find a job that allowed me to help and serve others every day. That would bring true happiness and meaning into my life. I started thinking about what I could do and then we started teaching an optometrist in the city of Izucar de Matamoros. I took interest, and started looking into what I needed to do. It’s all been downhill (well sort of) since then. 

                                           (Slightly cheesy, but I liked this)

I still love paleontology and I'll be getting my minor in geosciences because I've wanted to learn more about it. It will continue to be a hobby and an interest of mine. I'm even sure that I would've had many opportunities to serve others in any field I would've chosen, but for me the right choice was to move towards healthcare. I look forward to being able to individually help people every single day, because I know that will help me to look outside of myself and be truly happy.

In Matthew chapter 4 we read that Jesus, after fasting for forty days, was tempted by the devil three times. He resisted all three temptations and the devil left him. Now, can we imagine being in his shoes? We would be unbelievably hungry and thirsty, and we would probably be exhausted from having to put up with Satan. Right? What would be the first thing we'd want to do? Probably eat, sleep, and drink. Maybe we would look for someone to comfort us? In any case, we would most likely not be thinking about helping anyone else. In fact, verse eleven tells us that angels came and ministered unto Jesus. Jesus received the relief and comfort he must have been yearning for, right? Actually, the Joseph Smith Translation, an inspired revision of the Bible done by Joseph Smith, suggests that the verse be read as follows:

JST Matt. 4:11–12 "And now Jesus knew that John was cast into prison, and he sent angels, and, behold, they came and ministered unto him [John]. And Jesus departed into Galilee …"

Or in other words, the first thing Jesus did after his harrowing experience with the devil was send help to his friend, John the Baptist. He knew that John would be suffering in prison, so he sent angels to comfort him. He was too busy thinking of others to worry about his own problems. This is consistent with Christ's character throughout the scriptures.

(One of favorite examples of the Savior, with the man at the pool of Bethesda)

You may have already heard, but the President of the LDS church passed away yesterday. He was a man I looked up to in a lot of ways. He reminded me a lot of my great grandpa. Always looking out for others and always finding a way to serve. He was called as a bishop at the age of 22, as a mission president at the age of 32, and as an apostle at the age of 36 where he served until he passed away at the age of 90. Few lives could parallel such a one as his in terms of ecclesiastical service. It was, however, the small, individual stories of service that stuck out to me the most. As a young bishop he presided over more than eighty widows in his ward. He did so faithfully, and over the years he attended the funerals of every single one of those widows. He's a man we recognize as a prophet of God. I believe a true prophet not only talks the talk, but he walks the walk. He doesn't just say what Jesus said, he does what Jesus did. President Monson fit that mold perfectly. He will be dearly missed.

I know that when we serve others, in whatever capacity we are able, we find true meaning and purpose in our lives. I know that God made us that way for a reason. If you're having a tough time or are struggling with some of life's many problems, I want to invite you to look around you. I guarantee that there are others with struggles who need help too, and by reaching outward and doing what you can, both of your burdens will be lightened. Find ways to enrich the lives of others, and you'll find that your own life has been brightened along the way. Jesus Christ lives and he has set the example for us. Everything that he did was for the benefit of others. We will be blessed as we strive to emulate his character in our own lives.

In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

An excerpt from Elder Quentin L. Cook's October 2008 General Conference address, about President Monson (Maybe a good New Year's Resolution?):

When our beloved prophet, President Thomas S. Monson, was asked on his birthday this past August what would be the ideal gift that members worldwide could give him, he said without a moment’s hesitation, “Find someone who is having a hard time, … and do something for them.”

(President Monson)

Erasing That Line in the Sand

 Two weeks ago I met some old mission buddies at temple square in Salt Lake City in hopes of getting into General Conference. If you don't know what it is, General Conference is a semi-annual meeting in which the leaders of the LDS church speak to the members. We hear from men and women we believe have been called by God including fifteen men we sustain as prophets, seers, and revelators who hold all the priesthood keys necessary for the establishment of God's kingdom on the Earth. It is one of my favorite times of year and it was exciting to actually be there in person. Here's a tip to get in by the way: If you sing hymns in front of the protestors outside of the conference center, a security guard will give you tickets out of appreciation. That's what we did!

Anyways, another belief of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is that the constitution of the United States of America and the founding fathers who penned it were inspired by God. A prophet of the Book of Mormon named Nephi saw a lot of this in a vision and Wilford Woodruff, the fourth president of the Church, actually did temple work for the likes of George Washington, Alexander Hamilton, and many others. We are a very patriotic church, to say the least. So much so that the American version of the hymnbook contains a number of patriotic songs, including The Star Spangled Banner. We rarely sing it in church, usually just on the 4th of July, but for whatever reason the person conducting the hymns on temple square two weeks ago decided that it was one of the hymns we were going to sing. Never in my life have I considered not singing our national anthem. I have family members who have served faithfully in the armed forces, including my great grandfather who I love dearly. I've always held the upmost respect for our nation and many of the principles it was founded upon, but that day I found no desire to sing that song. I stood silently as everyone around me sang, letting all the emotions from the events concerning the NFL and our president's remarks towards them flow through my thoughts. To be frank, I was embarrassed to sing that song.

I got over it quickly and went on to enjoy a great session of General Conference and very fun night with friends afterwards. It was a fantastic weekend! The next day, however, the Las Vegas shooting happened, and all of those feelings and emotions returned. I was angry. I saw nothing good in anything, especially not with this country. I was on edge all week, and I allowed myself to be quite unhappy. A good number of my conversations seemed to be directed towards gun control or racism. It was as if I couldn't allow myself to talk about anything good.

I'm not trying to have any political debates here, or even advocate any specific views. So sorry if that's what you're looking for.

At the end of the week following the Vegas shooting, I was sitting on the grounds of the Tucson Temple. The temple is a good place to take stock of your life and see if there's anything you need to change. There usually is! On this particular morning, however, I was very hard on myself. After listing at least ten things I was doing wrong, I had the very clear thought that "taking stock" of my life also meant recognizing the GOOD things that I was doing. I realized how unhappily I had been leading my life because I was constantly telling myself I needed to be better at things, but I wasn't stopping to appreciate the progress I had already made. I had literally convinced myself that I wasn't that great of a person and that I was always falling short, when in reality God had been working with me and through me for a long time and he continued to do so everyday. He could see my potential, so could I see mine? I realized I needed to change the way I thought.

Update: I've been much happier since then! I recognize my imperfections and always make goals to improve, but not before I recognize and appreciate how great I already am. I wonder if we can't apply that same principle to the bad things happening in the country and around the world? I believe that we will learn and grow more from magnifying the good in things, than by simply focusing on what needs to change. I don't mean to sound naïve or imply that we can just sit and expect the world to fix itself, but I do believe we shouldn't give up the ground we've already won. What is America's potential? Are we going to let that be completely destroyed by the imperfections of men? 

I also saw that principle highlighted in a movie I went and saw last night called Goodbye Christopher Robin. It was about the author of Winnie the Pooh and how he gained inspiration from his son Christopher Robin. Initially, the books were a great source of happiness for his young son, but that soon changed as Christopher Robin became a household name throughout much of the world. His childhood was taken away from him as he spent day after day and hour after hour doing interviews and reading fanmail. His father soon realized this, and stopped writing about Winnie the Pooh, but the damage was already done. Christopher held resentment all through his childhood towards his parents, and wanted nothing to with the stories. In his mind, they had caused much of his pain growing up. He wouldn't even allow himself to be called Christopher. After a life-changing event in his adulthood, however, Christopher realized the good that had come from the books. He recognized that his Dad, who suffered from severe PTSD, was simply doing the best he could. He decided to remember the good that came from the books, and his whole outlook on life changed. He lived happily and actually went by Christopher the rest of his life. Today Winnie the Pooh continues to bring happiness to many children. That was a very brief review, but it was a great movie, like seriously. Everyone should go and see it! I'm grateful for the reminder it gave me to always search for the good in things, and that continuously focusing only on the negative won't change anything but will instead hinder our progress.

Winnie the Pooh might seem like a strange connection to make here to America and the problems we face, but I can see the parallels. There are good things to remember and highlight about our country. We don't have to ignore the bad, in fact we have a responsibility to fight against it and make change when necessary. I simply believe we can do so in a happy manner. Light will always chase darkness.

God bless this country. He already has. America is a choice land and it is by divine design that it is here. Without it and its unique religious freedom in the 1820's, Joseph Smith never would have been able to establish the Church. As soon as he attempted to break from the Catholic Church he would have been branded as a heretic and put to death just as were the reformers who came before him. Without the foundation of our country, the restored truths of the Gospel of Jesus Christ may not have had place to take root, at least not at that time. I love this country and the opportunities it gives me. It's up to us to make it better, but we can't lose sight of what this country was meant to stand for from the beginning. We can agree to disagree and we can love each other. We can help each other change and, more often than not, make changes ourselves. We are better than the hateful rhetoric we've allowed to flow in our communication for too long. Evil will always be here, but we don't have to join it or give it more fuel to run on. Together we can heal.

God bless America. Even if that's tough for me to say sometimes.



"And whoso receiveth this record, and shall not condemn it because of the imperfections which are in it, the same shall know of greater things than these."
- Mormon 8:12

"..You Really Could Just Be White.."

About two weeks ago I made a trip to the Gilbert Temple to do some sealings. I was acting as a son being sealed to his parents for some of the ancestors I had found while doing family history. It was a wonderful and peaceful experience. I very much enjoy temple sealings because they are the one ordinance in the temple where the person performing the ordinance will take a break and share some wisdom with the patrons who are participating. It's an intimate experience which invites genuine conversation and instruction. This day was no different. It was a good time and I left the temple knowing that I participated in the Lord's work of Salvation. I did have quite an interesting experience though, which has been on my mind since then. The sealer was telling us a story from 1948 (that should date him quite a bit), and during the story he mentioned a certain family who had a "negro butler." That caught my attention, and I had to wonder that if my skin had been a few shades darker whether or not he even would have mentioned that story. It really wasn't that big a deal though because of course Negro in and of itself is not a derogatory term and it's simply how people back then referred to black people. I knew he didn't mean anything by it, and I had no reason at all to be offended.  Although It did surprise me a little to hear such archaic language still being used in 2017.
Like I said, however, I left the temple feeling great. I went straight from the temple to see a movie with my Dad, who is black. After the movie we talked for a long time, but the topic of race never even crossed our minds as far as I can remember. It really wasn't that big a deal.

Then, the following weekend, my Dad was in the hospital recovering from a surgery and I drove up from Tucson to see him. My grandpa Reggie was there, who I hadn't seen in at least five years! I got to sit and visit with him for awhile, and he even gave
me some family history tips on his side of the family. I ended up finding a facebook page that connected me to pretty much all of his side of the family and it was SO COOL! It also helped me realize how black I truly am, even if I don't look like it, and that it was something that I needed to be proud of. I always have been proud to be black, but it's always just been more of a cool little novelty or a fun game of "guess my ethnicity" on a first date. It's never really been something I've actually felt personally connected to because, well, I look pretty white. Hispanic at best, but definitely not Black. In fact, 99.9% of the time people do not believe me when I tell them I'm half black and I have to prove it to them with pictures, family trees, official documents, etc. The truth is, I've never experienced any type of racism or hate for being black, so I can't truly empathize with my black friends and family. Making those family connections really made a difference for me that day, and the events that took place in Charlottesville the next day only reinforced those feelings.

Those events, the reaction (or lack thereof)  of our President, and the subsequent responses by my Church (which I am very proud of) have flooded my mind with thoughts and feelings that I have yet to find the words to express. I want to speak directly to my white Mormon friends, but if anyone else can benefit then that's great. Consider these words from a black family member:

"Hi.... grateful for sharing this story, I was mistreated so badly by the mormons in Mesa and even when I came for your going away celebration at your church, never said anything because you were still doing something great with your life, and I've always prayed for The Holy Spirit to teach, guide and direct you. "


Let's think about the fact that these things happen. Now listen to my Dad. Here is something he sent me:

"Recently my son asked if I would be willing to share the story of my personal experience as a black man being approached to become a member of the Mormon church.  Specifically he wanted me to speak to how I reconciled subtle and glaring racist principles that were once inherent within the church.  

My brother and I were raised  by my very young mother and my grandmother.  My grandmother was a reverend and needless to say, we had a strong deep religious upbringing.  We attended vacation bible school every summer.  and for 2 weeks out of each summer we would attend church camp.  While our friends played and did the things kids do my brother and I attended Church camp; which consisted of no tv, radio, or play.  We attended Church service, for 2 to 3 hours per service, 2 to 3 times per day. This provided us both with a very strong religious background as well as a very thorough knowledge of scripture. 

Years later my grandmother became ill and came to live with my brother and my mother.  About 6 months after graduating from high school, my brother and I came home one day and our grandmother was sitting with two missionaries as they were about to leave.  I don't remember exactly what she said, but she made it clear that she wanted us to set up a time to speak to the nice young men.  Now I fully understood what these two men wanted to speak about.  

Many of my friends were mormon and had schooled us on many of the workings and principles of the church including the past doctrine preventing black men from holding the higher priesthood.  Even though this principle had been overturned in 1978 through revelation, it was still the one overriding block that kept me from previously entertaining any lessons from lds missionaries.  However, out of love and respect fro our grandmother, I agreed to have them come back to provide lessons.  

Besides, as far as I was concerned, there was no way they were going to be able to get beyond what considered the church's racist past and get me to convert.  I was young, smart, well verseed in scripture, I loved to argue, and I loved engaging in scripture battle.  

I was locked, loaded, and ready to shoot down this non-sense of what I considered racism with the nerve to be backed by scripture.  Not biblical scripture.  Mormon scripture.  

So by the time they knocked on the door I was pretty amped. I half expected a full blown argument with me yelling back and forth at the missionaries and kicking them out of our house.

So after inviting them in and exchanging pleasantries it was time to get down to business.  And I was ready.  Now the first order of business was to pray.  Which made sense but I hadn't considered because I was just ready to send some heads rolling. 

 So the elder asked me to pray for the spirit to be with us and to have faith that God would provide answers I needed.  He further said that even though they were conducting lessons, neither he nor his partners would have any of the answers I wanted or be able to tell me if what I was hearing was the truth.  "What?" I thought.  "what do you mean, you can't confirm answers?" I further concluded  "Well this will be fast.  I know my scripture and I've been talking to God all my life...so you don't have a chance here." So I did as he asked, and prayed for God to allow his spirit to be with us during the lessons, and I did genuinely ask him to speak the truth to me.  

Soon enough we were into the lessons- and while there was a lot discussed I'm going to keep this abbreviated. They discussed the book of Mormon and I countered with Biblical scriptures.  And while it was a highly energized conversation, it was in no way argumentative. And My posture was no longer combative.  I found myself becoming highly inquisitive and curious.  Now occasionally a "this is how they getchu" thought would pop in my head and jar me back to my mission of proving them wrong and exposing the inherent church racism.  But  then I noticed something different happening.  First, it was an extremely peaceful and productive conversation.  What's more, is every time I went to counter or scripture check, I would get this intense clarity of thought, and answers were being revealed even before I could locate the scripture.  

And by the time I got to what I thought was the smoking gun of the church's inherent racism as to why blacks were unable to hold the higher priesthood until 1978, that answer was being revealed in such a clear way it could not be ignored.  And even though the elder was speaking his words, all I could hear was the Spirit of God whispering the truth of things to me.  It was a nonlinear answer that was so clear, thorough, and complete that I knew it to be the truth.  

The reality is that we are not in a perfect world.  And while God's word and mission are perfect, it must be established through the imperfect perspectives of humankind.  Man has comitted horrible atrocities all throughout history including war, slavery, and the killing of our Lord Jesus Christ.  However, god's word and mission was being established through all of it.  But to look at these things through our own eyes, only breeds anger and contempt.  At the end of the day, the most important thing the elder did for me was to ask me, in my own words to pray for God and his spirit to be with me.  this is the same thing my grand mother and my mother had instructed me to do for years.  To to pray for guidance.  Because there is no way, that my human mind would have been able to look beyond what I considered to be extremely offensive and accept something that would have enormous eternal benefits.  

Nevertheless, let's not kid ourselves.  There are several scriptures in the Book of Mormon that can be referenced as blatantly racist. The scriptures can and have been used by white members as a license to practice their own version of racial superiority. But in my experience, these have been the exception and not the norm.  

The afore-mentioned mormon friends I grew up with never expressed or displayed even so much as an ounce racial or spiritual superiority. Occasionally, we would hear of someone's elder relative expressing racist views.  But this was common across the board in any religion.  And I am in no way naive enough to believe that racism didn't exist beyond the spectrum of my friends and experience.  The point is, that the mormon friends I grew up with never did.  And that experience had extraordinarily positive influence on my pre-convert perspective of the church.  They were just great people.  And while they never personally attempted to convert us, their friendship had a tremendous impact on my decision to join.  Of course there are individuals that continue to misuse past scripture and doctrine as a justification for racism.  But I can assure you that it is not of the spirit of God. there is no way, any person can genuinely pray in his heart for truth from the Spirit of God, and still harbor racist thoughts, perspectives, or ideology.  (Left, Dad and Twin Brother in High School)

The bottom line is that Each of us has a personal responsibility to earnestly pray for wisdom, guidance, and clarity from the spirit of God on all matters including racism. As members of the human race we can not know all things.  And relying on our own intelligence which is heavily influenced by our own fears, past, experiences, and familial upbringing is not likely to produce answers that are most beneficial to our own well being.

I can't speak for all black or non-white members of the church.  But as for me my decision to join had nothing to do with reconciling disagreeable principles of the past.  My decision was, as it should be with all investigators;  My decision was between me and God.    

I'll end with a biblical scripture that has assisted me more time than I can count.   

Proverbs 3:5-6 says Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. 6In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.… 

Marv Wilson"

Isn't that such a cool story? I'm sure countless black members could share similar stories. What I took from it the most was that the Spirit is what helped him through this. God has power to do all things, and that certainly includes helping people overcome their doubts and fears about the gospel. Only the Spirit could heal any past wounds, and the missionaries were only there to show my Dad love and support as he sought his own answers. I think those same principles from the Spirit and showing love and support  can apply on a church-wide or even a worldwide level if we will allow them to.

I am not posting this for anyone who is openly racist or supports white supremacy. If that is you, I invite you to repent and consider your ways. God made us all equal.

No, I'm not talking to any extreme group. I'm talking to normal, good people. I want you to know that there is a real problem with racism in the world, even if it isn't as clearly visible as it once was. Please stop trying to explain it away or trying to prove that there isn't racism. If your black friend complains to you about racism, the last thing they need to hear is that there actually isn't and they definitely don't care to hear about how not racist you are. Listen to your friends. Try to understand where they are coming from instead of assuming their motives or possible political agendas.

Stop trying to explain away or give reasons for the priesthood ban. Trust me, most black LDS people have put a lot of thought into that subject already. They've probably put a lot more thought into to it than you have to be honest. They've probably spent more than one night lying awake wondering how they would be able to look past something so offensive to them. I won't give this as an official answer, but I will say that it's okay to  accept the fact that the Priesthood Ban was probably just a mistake. I believe God had his hand in allowing that mistake to happen and subsequently helping us fix it, but in reality it doesn't matter. Facts aren't what helped my dad overcome this, it was the Holy Ghost. It has been almost forty years now, and it is time to move on from what happened. We do not need to be apologists for the past, we simply need to love those who are here with us in the present. The Spirit will work upon people as they humble themselves and come unto Christ, and we should allow God to do his own work. We don't have to have an answer for everything, we just need to be there for those who need us. If you are curious, I've attached some links for further study.

Because the truth is there is racism within the Church. Just google "Wife With a Purpose" if you don't believe me. There is plenty of racism in this country. Just turn on your TV. We need more White people actively opposing racism and standing up with those who are being targeted. The time is gone when we could just sit quietly and ignore what happens around us. We live in a time when silence will do just as much damage as blatant racism will. Evil is knocking right on our doorstep, so what are we going to do?

Last week my grandmother messaged me about an article I posted on Facebook. She said something that has stuck in my mind all week:

"Thank you for standing, especially [you] grandson because you really could just be ... white."

(My grandma with Muhammad Ali. Just thought it was cool)

It hadn't occurred to me before that I had to choose to be black. If I really wanted to I could just sit back and ignore things because I honestly probably enjoy just as much white privilege as anyone else. We have that same choice to make.

I want to invite all of you to talk to your closest black friend or acquaintance. Talk to them about what's happening and then look at the pain in their eyes. Try to feel how real this is for them. They don't have the luxury of saying "well I'm not racist, so this doesn't apply to me." They don't have the luxury of parading around their black half when it's cool and then dishing out the white side when it seems advantageous. We're all in this together, and many of our brothers and sisters are experiencing so much pain, no matter what you may believe the cause of that pain may be. It's real for them, so it's real for us. It's time to "comfort those who stand in need of comfort."

Please, take a stand. You never know who you might help.

34 Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world:

35 For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:

36 Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visitedme: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.

37 Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink?

38 When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee?

39 Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?

40 And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. (Matthew 25:34-40)

For additional questions on Blacks and the priesthood, here are some links:

https://www.lds.org/topics/race-and-the-priesthood?lang=eng

https://speeches-beta.byu.edu/talks/bruce-r-mcconkie_alike-unto-god-2/

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"O Jesus, Thou Son of God..."

The prophet Alma from the Book of Mormon had quite an incredible conversion to the gospel, and these are the words he used to share his story years later:

16 And now, for three days and for three nights was I racked, even with the pains of a damned soul.

17 And it came to pass that as I was thus racked with torment, while I was harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, behold, I remembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world.

18 Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death.

19 And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more.

20 And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!

This is a deeply personal and descriptive account of what it feels like to experience the redeeming love of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Earlier in this chapter Alma stated  "Now, behold, I say unto you, if I had not been born of God I should not have known these things; but God has, by the mouth of his holy angel, made these things known unto me, not of any worthiness of myself." Alma did not have to earn the savior's love. It was already there, just as it is for any of us. All we have to do is reach out to him.

Sometimes I get caught up in defending my beliefs or trying to clear up misconceptions about the doctrine/history of the Restored Church. While those things are important and I hope more than anything people can at least benefit a little from the words I share, the focal point of my faith is not in any specific doctrine or historical finding. It is in Jesus Christ.

The Prophet Joseph Smith taught:

"The fundamental principles of our religion are the testimony of the Apostles and Prophets, concerning Jesus Christ, that He died, was buried, and rose again the third day, and ascended into heaven; and all other things which pertain to our religion are only appendages to it" 

He is the Great Jehova. He is both the Father and the Son. He's the savior, redeemer, and the Prince of Peace. He is an High Priest of good things to come. He is the Messiah, the Creator, and the great I AM. He is the firstfruits of those who slept. He is Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. He is Endless. He is Eternal. He is the Son of God, come in the flesh.

Jesus Christ and the infinite power which He offers us through His atonement are the best way for us to overcome the struggles we are facing now as individuals and as a nation. Christlike faith, hope, and charity will change the world faster than anything else we can come up with. I truly believe that.

I would invite all of us to have greater faith in Him. In doing so I would remind you that Faith is not a perfect knowledge of things, but rather it is to "hope for things which are not seen, which are true."  Another Book of Mormon prophet, Moroni, taught us that faith must precede the miracle. That's completely backwards from any scientific method we are taught in school, but that is the way God works. Faith first, evidence second.

Jesus Christ suffered all manner of hardships and temptations so that he would know exactly how to help us in our times of need. (See Hebrews 3:16-18, Alma 7:11-14) If we come to him with a broken heart and a contrite spirit, he will heal us. Not only will he heal us but he will lift us to heights we never thought possible as he carries us with "healing in his wings."

Life is hard. Looking back on our lives, we all find times of trial where we could have echoed the words of Alma, finding ourselves in the "gall of bitterness." May we all have compassion for one another and try to put ourselves in each other's shoes before we jump to judging them. May we try to see people as Christ sees them.

As we come to Him in humility and unity, Christ will heal us. He will transform us and make us the best versions of ourselves. Whether we are white, black, brown, gay, straight, , male, female, He will help us.

All of us.

Different Perspectives: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

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The topic of my post today is a touchy one, especially for people who have ties to the LDS church. Nonetheless, this topic was the main motivation for me to start writing about important topics in my blog rather than just telling people about my day-to-day activities, as interesting as those are. I wasn't exactly sure how to approach it, so I decided to start with other topics to see how they were received. I started with the Wonder Woman post, which was received pretty dang well. Then the pornography post absolutely exploded, and I am super grateful for all the support and messages Nick and I received, sometimes from people we did not even know. Now, I feel that it is the right time to post what has been on my mind this whole month.

I'm going to talk today about going through a crisis of faith, and how we can overcome them. Many people decide to leave the Church, and sometimes it can be hard to understand why. It is not my intention today to discuss any particular tenets of Church history or it's doctrine, but rather to share some principles that I've learned in my own life that I think all of us should try to apply. If you do have specific questions I would invite you to personally contact me and I'd love to share with you some of my personal insights and opinions. I don't consider myself an expert by any means, but I would love to help and will do my best to at least point you in the right direction. I encourage loving, intelligent conversation, and it is okay if we end up disagreeing. Diversity in opinions and beliefs makes the world a better place.

What has weighed heavily upon my heart lately is the lack of understanding I see on both sides of the argument. I see many active members who vilify people who have left by tearing them down and acting as if they are completely possessed by Satan or something and need to be avoided. While those who leave often treat active members with complete contempt, treating them as if they were nothing more than brainwashed sheep who can't think for themselves. In all honesty, I've seen bad examples on both sides that fit these descriptions, but I don't believe it is true for either majority. Seeing things like this really gets to me, especially because my own mother used to be a member of the Church, and I don't think that either of us think that way about each other. I love her very much, and I always will whether or not we have the same beliefs. I know by her actions since I've joined the Church that she feels the same way.

The best way I can think of addressing this is by sharing a personal experience. During my post about pornography I indicated that coming home from my mission was bitter-sweet for multiple reasons, and that Elder Werber being sent home was only one of those reasons. I'll elaborate on what I meant by that.

I was baptized into the Church in May of 2011. I had many wonderful experiences that confirmed to me that it was the Church of Jesus Christ. That whole summer was great as I read the scriptures, learned about my Heavenly Father and his plan for me, and ultimately made the decision that I wanted to serve a mission. Then, I left for Flagstaff to start my first semester of college at NAU. While I was there, I faced challenges that I hadn't really considered beforehand. For example, I was a geology major and I wanted to become a paleontologist. Well, as I sat through my lectures I started to remember how much scientific evidence there is for the age of the Earth and the fact that believing in organic evolution is a given if you want to become a paleontologist. I remember tossing and turning because I couldn't seem to reconcile those scientific findings with what I thought I was supposed to believe as a member of the Church. I soon learned, however, that the Church does not take a stance on the age of the Earth or evolution (even though many people might tell you otherwise) and that in fact there have been a number of prominent mormons who accept those scientific findings and see no issue between them and the scriptural accounts of The Creation.  I was pretty excited to learn this. This meant that within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints I could still hold on to my love for science while being completely dedicated to serving Jesus Christ. For some reason I was under the impression that it would be one or the other. My love for the Restored Gospel grew even more at this point, because I realized it was okay to be different, and that I wasn't expected to be a mindless sheep. God wants me to think and reason for myself. Even though I am no longer in pursuit of becoming a paleontologist, evolution and the age of the earth are still important subjects to me. I take any chance I get I explain to people how I reconcile my faith with science, and I explain to them why I believe God works through these wonderful principles. I feel a strong connection to my Heavenly Father and his wisdom as I learn about the diversity of life that has come about through billions of years of evolution here on Earth.

Whoa. Talked about that more than I wanted to, but hey, its important to me! That was my first real trial of faith, and even though it wasn't anti-mormon material I think it prepared me for other things that came. As I went on with my freshman year, things were pretty hard. I survived, however, and I made a lot of great friends who helped me to see the true potential that I had. Before I knew it I was filling out my papers and preparing to serve a mission! The second semester of my freshman year was amazing and it was such a happy time.  Many of you will also remember that this time in our history is referred to by many as "The Mormon Moment." Mitt Romney was running for president and that brought a lot of attention, good and bad, to the church. It was difficult to go very much time without running into someone either in person or online who was ready to attack the church and it's beliefs. These people were usually so bitter and angry though that it was easy to dismiss them as crazy and go on with my day. However, at that time I was taking a church history course at the institute, and I soon learned that some of the things people were saying were true. Luckily, my teacher was open and transparent about things and I at least felt comforted in the fact that other people knew about these things and still believed. I knew that even if I couldn't reconcile things right now, if I held on just a little longer and kept studying, I would find the answers I was looking for. I continued to have spiritual experiences and received many answers to prayers all during that time.

Then, after having received my mission call and just a short time before I was supposed to leave, I had what I would call a complete meltdown. I found a particular website claiming to be run by active members of the Church trying to spread knowledge. The information I found was convincing, appeared to be appropriately cited, and was articulated in a calm, educated manner. I was taken completely aback, and I didn't know what to do. Now remember, this was 2012. There was no official essays from the Church on these matters and it was honestly nearly impossible to find any sources that would talk about these problems in a positive light. Maybe a comment on a thread from someone who was a well educated member of the Church, and those helped but they were few and far between. They didn't come close to answering all the questions I had. It was terrible. The worst part about all of this was how I felt. I felt so betrayed. I felt so angry. The missionaries never told me this stuff! What's worse, is they probably didn't even know about it either! I felt like I had been living a lie the last year of my life, and now I felt trapped. How was I going to back out of a mission? So many people were counting on me, and I would look like a total idiot. I knew I couldn't go if I didn't even believe in it. I was at a loss.

Again, what I want to emphasize is how terrible I felt. I think that sometimes as members we can look at people who leave the Church and it's easy for us to assume they are lazy or just don't want to try anymore. Maybe we think that they are just looking for an excuse to leave and live a sinful lifestyle or that they are simply naive for being deceived by falsehoods. That couldn't be further from the truth. I have a hard time even expressing the pain and anguish one starts to feel when they realize something they've invested so much of their life into might not be true. I don't know how else to explain it except that the feeling is absolutely terrible and it sticks with you no matter what you are doing throughout the day. I was trying to do all the right things to get ready for my mission, but I just couldn't feel any better. It is a darkness I don't ever wish on anybody.

I had decided that I would go to Church one last time but after that if I couldn't overcome this I would need to open up and admit to myself and others that this isn't what I wanted to do. I couldn't continue living my life like this. I wanted so bad for the Church to be true and I wanted so bad to feel the type of happiness and joy I felt when I had first been baptized. I prayed for God to help me know if it was still true. I got up Sunday and I went to Church. I felt that if I was going to feel better about this or find answers, it would be at Church. I didn't talk to anybody and I went and sat by myself on the foldable chairs behind the pews. I didn't want anybody to know what I was thinking or going through. My desire was to simply sit quietly by myself  and try to allow the Spirit to testify to me that these things were true (if the Spirit was even still a real thing). I did get an answer, but in a rather unexpected way. A man who I did not know at all came up and sat next to me. He told me his name was Isaac Wilson and that he had been at my baptism over a year ago but since he worked for the airlines and his sunday attendance was sporadic and because I had moved to Flagstaff for about a year, this was the first time he had seen me since. I said that was nice and we chatted throughout most of the sacrament meeting. Towards the end, and without any prompting from me, he said "You know you have to be careful with what you read on the internet." What the heck. Now he had my attention. He explained to me what correlation was and then told me that the Church was in the process of trying to publish as much info as possible about early Church history so that members had a place to turn when they had questions. Specifically he told me about the Joseph Smith Papers project and he directed me to a website not owned by the church but run by members who were trying to dispel a lot of the lies and half truths out there. Honestly, a half truth can be worse than a complete lie because there is at least some element of truth and it can easily persuade or manipulate one into not researching more. Again, I never told this man about any of the questions I had or what had been bothering me. He just came up and told me this stuff. That was the only Sunday I ever saw him before my mission, and it was the Sunday I needed him the most. I walked out of Church that day knowing that Heavenly Father loved me and that he needed me to serve him. He had answered my prayers in a very personal and unexpected way. It was exactly what I needed to keep me going on my journey of faith.

To be honest, I wasn't that big on the website. It did help me find a lot of answers to my questions though and I got to see a different point of view. I could sense while reading the website that I wasn't reading authorized answers to my questions, just educated guesses and opinions. I would need to find my own answers, and that was okay because now I trusted that God was aware of me and he would eventually help me to find peace and answers. Slowly but surely I began to find references to all the Church history issues that bothered me from Church approved sources. I even found whole books on some of them sitting right on the shelf at Deseret Book. I soon realized that the Church hadn't been hiding anything. They hadn't been the most transparent, and they needed to be better about that, but any diligent student could find the information they were looking for. It was just a long and arduous task to do. I'm glad to say that today I believe the Church is headed in the right direction with the essays and other efforts being made to change the way we teach our own history, and hopefully future generations will not go through the same type of experience that I did.

Eventually, I left on my mission. Even though I felt that it is what I had truly been called to do, that dark feeling still hadn't completely gone away. My doubts about the Church were still very much present and they bothered me quite a bit. My journal from the MTC is constantly filled with statements like this one: "...Every once in awhile I get pretty down. I'm also having some testimony issues. I know that will pass though, they always do. I have a great love for the gospel, and I shouldn't worry so much about early church leadership because really not a ton is known about it. The Spirit is what's important..." I was struggling, but I was also growing every single day. Particularly I can remember Elder Holland coming on thanksgiving and bearing a powerful testimony of the divine calling of the prophet Joseph Smith, imperfections and all. Once I got into the field it was hard to teach people who were still having doubts all the time about what I was teaching. What I decided to do was read the Book of Mormon all the way through, and to do so diligently every day. At about the eight month mark I finally got my answer. I found it in Mormon chapter 8 verse 12. Almost at the end of the book! It reads as follows:

"...Whoso receiveth this record, and shall not condemn it because of the imperfections which are in it, the same shall know of greater things than these. Behold, I am Moroni; and were it possible, I would make all things known unto you."





This is a motto that I have tried to live my life by ever since. In everything, not just in spiritual matters. Nothing is ever going to be perfect. If you decide to not give someone a chance because they have some glaring flaw that you don't like, you may be missing out on what that person really has to offer you. That could for friendships, dating, roommates, etc. For me at that time, it was that if I kept focusing on the mistakes made in the early Church, I would be missing out on everything that the gospel actually had to offer. The Gospel of Jesus Christ offers me the opportunity to change and to be a better man. It offers the ability to repent and make covenants with my Heavenly Father. From that moment on, I decided to not dwell on those doubts that I had, and I instead started to focus on the things that I did know were true. I knew that prayers were answered, I knew that the Book of Mormon had teachings that inspired me and applied to my life, and I knew that through the atonement, Jesus Christ offered me power to be better.

The next year and four months of my mission were amazing. The Lord was able to teach me things about myself that maybe I wouldn't have learned otherwise. From time to time, I would inadvertantly find an answer to a Church History problem I had. The difference was that I didn't have to go look for it. Rather, as I committed myself to the work of saving souls I was led to the answers I had been seeking for so long, all I had to do was show God some faith and patience. Everything was great, until about two weeks before I went home. One night as I was talking to Elder Werber, he had a question. I don't remember exactly what it was, but I told him that the next day we could go to the internet cafe and see if we couldn't find an answer. We found a pretty satisfactory answer on the website I mentioned before, but I felt myself becoming overcome with doubt and fear just as I was before my mission. I couldn't believe it. It had been two whole years, and this stuff still bothered me so much. The feeling was so much worse than it was the first time, because now I felt hopeless. If two years of a mission and such powerful expeiences with the Holy Ghost hadn't made these things go away, what would? The last two weeks of my mission are most likely the darkest and depressing time of my life that I can look back on. I felt that everything had been for nothing, and that I was just going to go home and leave the Church anyways. Elder Werber's experience with going home didn't really help much either.

I got home in a sense of limbo. Fortunately, I knew that I had gotten through this before and that I could do it again. My testimony of the restored gospel had also grown considerably since before my mission, and I knew what to do. I kept reading, praying, and going to Church. I also decided to make the temple a very important part of my life. At times I felt like the biggest hypocrite in the world, but I still believed deep down within that I would beat this. I decided to make institute a priority and I signed up for a night class at the campus nearest to my house. I don't want to sound too dramatic, but without the class and the teacher that I signed up for that first and second semester that I was home, I don't know if  I would have made it. Brother Richardson was able to reach me in a way I don't think any other institute teacher could have at the time, at least not any that I know. Now, he is not for everybody. To this day that is the only class I've ever been to where AC/DC would be played in the middle of a lesson. It was so bizarre, and to be honest it almost scared this little self-righteous returned missionary away. Luckily I stayed. It was a class on the Pearl of Great Price, which was perfect because my biggest concerns at the time had to do with the Book of Abraham and the role of freemasonry in the temple ceremony. He was so open and honest, but he also never gave us an easy way out. He would bring up a controversial topic, drop the facts on it, and then let us make up our own minds about it. "Does it bother you?" he would ask. He didn't try to sugar coat anything either. That was kind of frustrating at first, but it also forced me to have to go get my own answer. I couldn't rely on any bubbly feelings or someone else's words.

Actually, that was the most important principle that I learned in that class. I was trying for so long to "feel" better about everything, and that wasn't the correct way to approach my problems. I believe we've learned too much as members of the Church to rely only on our feelings. We as members tend to directly connect our feelings to the spirit, but we should remember that feelings are only one of the vehicles through which the Spirit operates. We tend to think that if we feel distressed or fearful then that means that something is wrong. The reality is that we are humans! Sometimes we're going to feel pretty bad, especially when we don't understand something, and if we are not careful we can have the unrealistic expectation that God will make all of our bad feelings of fear or doubt go away... But God does not work like that. He gives us little nuggets of truth as we faithfully put one foot in front of the other. It's also important to note that just because you feel really good about something that doesn't necessarily mean that you are experiencing something from the spirit. Our emotions can be pretty fluid, and we should learn to rely on actual personal experiences and fact, and our feelings will help to confirm those. In my personal experiences, God has used the spirit in multiple ways to teach me, whether be through other people, scriptures, or extraordinary experiences. As I have faithfully responded to those things, then good feelings have come.

It took me awhile, but I did finally get to a place where I felt completely confident in the Gospel again. I still am confronted all the time by things I don't understand, but I've now learned how to approach them. Here's what I do:
- I take a deep breath. A lot of times when presented with negative material about the Church, people are just trying to shock you and get you to react. You should respond, but not react. Take a deep breath, get a drink of water, go for a walk, whatever. When you are in a calm, peaceful state of mind go ahead and readdress the topic. If you try to address it while in a distressed and emotional state, you will be more prone to draw incorrect conclusions about what you're studying. You may even find that just by taking a step back you're able to reason it in your mind pretty easily.
- I try to recognize any incorrect paradigms I may be operating in. A lot of times when something bothers me I realize it's because it's disproving something that was already incorrect in my mind anyways. For example, the reason my scientific studies originally bothered me was because I held an incorrect understanding of what the doctrine of the Church actually taught. Once I realized that I could and should operate outside of a  "Young Earth Creationist" type mindset, any cognitive dissonance or discomfort disappeared and i was able to really investigate and learn.
- I make sure I'm not unnecessarily connecting unrelated events. Regularly when I read these things I automatically go from A to C, and I completely skip B. Usually B doesn't even exist either! If I find a quote by Brigham about Black people that doesn't quite seem right, does that automatically mean that everything else we believe is wrong? No! It means Brigham Young said something he shouldn't have said!
- The last one makes this one important. God works through imperfect people. Prophets can and have made mistakes. Only God is perfect, and he can work with mistakes that are made. I've learned that if I want God to be patient with my mistakes, he expects me to be patient with others.
- I remember the experiences I've already had. I don't give up the ground I've already won. Keeping and revisiting my journal helps me to do that.
- I do things that build my faith; prayer, scriptures, church, the temple, service, institute, etc. Remember that the Spirit is the real teacher, and the more things I do to invite his presence the better chance I have of receiving an answer. If I decide to stop doing those things (and sometimes I really want to) then I am making it a lot harder on myself.
- Study accurate and reputable information. Sometimes this means reading an actual book or going to the library. The internet doesn't hold all truth. Also remember that this Church was founded on the basis of being able to learn for ourselves and receive personal revelation, no one is expecting you to blindly follow something you don't believe in.
- Go to the temple. I already said this, but it deserves its own bullet point.
- I give The Lord equal time. Be patient. Answers always come.

I understand that many people have had different experiences than me. I don't know why I was able to receive answers when so many of my friends struggled for years, many times to no avail. But I do know that God knows and loves every single one of us. I know that Jesus Christ is at the center of all of this. We all have crosses to bear, and I believe that for me one of those crosses is a bit of a doubtful heart and an overly analytical brain. I also believe that that same heart and brain have been a blessing and that because of them I've been able to lift my testimony to a higher plane, and I will continue to do so!

I want my friends who have left the church to know that I do my very best to understand them. On at least some levels I can empathize with you because I've had my own struggles with my faith, and so have many other members. I do not blame you for making the decisions you've made, because to be honest if I hadn't received the help that I did I don't know if could have continued in the Church feeling the way that I did. I love you and I respect you, and I ask for the same from you.

For my friends who are still in the Church, we have a lot of work to do. First, let's stop trying to oversimplify why people leave the Church. In fact, I would suggest that we don't even bother trying to analyze why our friends left. Instead, let's just love them. Because in reality, when we try to come up with an excuse for why someone left, what are we really doing? We aren't trying to understand or love that person, we are trying to defend the Church. We are trying to justify our own beliefs when no one is even asking us to do that. Defending the Church is important and we should do all we can to dispel false doctrine, especially in order to avoid those incorrect paradigms I spoke about, but that's not what people are looking for. Our friends are frustrated and distressed here, and I feel like sometimes we don't even try to address that. I remember sitting in a devotional that was a type of Q & A. The members of the audience had anonymously submitted questions, and the members of the panel would do their best to answer them. One young man read a question that addressed a pretty controversial point of our doctrine, and I was intrigued to see how he would answer it. To my surprise he said "Well, I think that's kind of a silly question." and then he proceeded to NOT answer the question. My heart sank for whoever had asked the question in the first place. Not only was their doubt not addressed, but now they probably felt embarrassed and would most likely turn to other sources for guidance. Situations like this are far too common.

We can do better than that. Just because something doesn't bother me, doesn't mean that it shouldn't bother someone else. If we can't empathize, let's at least try to sympathize. Potentially leaving something that you love as much as the Church is hard, and the pain is just as real as any other trial we might be facing. Let's stay firm in our beliefs, but  let's also attempt to understand where our friends are coming from. Also, if you don't know what you're talking about, it is probably best to go find someone who does. There is no need to just throw something out there for the sake of sounding smart or winning an argument. Poor research always comes back to bite you in the butt, I've learned that the hard way.

I received this facebook message from a friend recently. This is a friend who is no longer actively attending the Church:

"Hey man! I was thinking about you the other day and I just wanted to reach out to you and let you know how much I respect you. I know we didn't get to know each other very well personally, but I never got to thank you for the conversation we had on Facebook...... And I honestly mean that. I appreciate the fact that you were willing to engage me in difficult hard topics that most people wouldn't dare talk about. I know I may have said things that were harsh or maybe even hurtful, and for that I apologize. But honestly I'm just grateful that you were willing to be my friend enough to talk to me and call me out on things that I said but also share with me your beliefs. Everyone's beliefs are valid, and at the time I think I had a lot of anger behind my words. I've been able to diffuse that since, but because of that I've just been reflecting on little things in my life that I feel like had a bigger impact. Anyways, I hope you have a good day man! If you ever need anything, know that you can count on me to be your friend and be there."

Notice that this is not a message from some lazy, sinful heathen who has been deceived by Satan. He is a human being just like you and me, and he's doing the best he can. I wish I could tell you all of my relationships with friends who have left are like this, because they aren't. But these are the types of loving, compassionate, and intelligent conversations both sides should be striving to have. It is more important that we love people and keep our relationships intact than it is that we prove that we are right or that we defend our beliefs.

Pure, Christ-like love will heal relationships and ultimately change the world. Please don't throw out relationships because for the time being you don't see eye to eye on things. One day, it will all make sense.

32 Yea, verily I say unto you, in that day when the Lord shall come, he shall reveal all things--

33 Things which have passed, and hidden things which no man knew, things of the earth, by which it was made, and the purpose and the end thereof--

34 Things most precious, things that are above, and things that are beneath, things that are in the earth, and upon the earth, and in heaven.

Doctrine & Covenants 101:32-34